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Sleek Writing: Put Your Sentences on a Diet

We tend to speak plainly and succinctly but for some reason, when we write, we stuff our sentences with extra verbiage, turning streamlined ideas into confusing, out-of-shape messes.

Here is a good example of a sentence that needs a workout: The network that this computer is able to connect to contains information that is privileged and confidential. (Thanks to Lynne W. for this real-life example.) No one speaks this way. We couldn’t come up with such a mouthful of empty words if we tried! The fastest way to shape up your writing is to think simple by placing subjects and verbs close to each other: network contains and computer connects.

This will help you notice and remove extra words like is able to, that this computer, and that is privileged.

Now you will find it easier to rewrite the sentence: This computer connects to a network containing privileged and confidential information. Sleek!

For more tips on effective writing, click here.

Pop Quiz

Simplify the following sentences to make them sleek:

1. We are no longer able to reconcile; therefore, attorneys will be used to effect the dissolution of our marriage.

2. The weather had adverse impacts on our boat resulting in the necessity to rescue us from the water.

3. The leak in the bottom of the boat was due to poor maintenance on the part of the crew.

Pop Quiz Sample Answers

(Other answers are possible.)

1. We have hired attorneys to help us with our divorce.

2. Our boat capsized in the storm so we needed rescuing.

3. The boat leaked because the crew did not maintain it.

Posted on Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010 at 10:00 am

Become a Better Writer Instantly

When you drive your car, there are laws you must follow. Well, there are also “laws” or criteria for writing effectively. Enhance your credibility and professional image instantly by paying attention to these criteria:

  • State the main point clearly, right at the beginning
  • Organize information logically
  • Leave out unnecessary information
  • Use short sentences and paragraphs
  • Eliminate unnecessary words
  • Include all necessary information
  • Use active, precise language and plain English
  • Use correct grammar, punctuation, and spelling

Data shows that people won’t read your document if it’s not presented clearly and that you have only about fifteen seconds to get someone’s attention.

This tip was contributed by WriteItWell.com, your editing partner.

Posted on Tuesday, July 13th, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Parallel Construction

Sentences and lists are awkward when they contain a series of items with inconsistent grammatical structure. But as your reader scans through a series of items with parallel grammatical structure, the relationships between different items of information become clear. Here’s an example:

Which of the two sentences below is easier to follow?

At the February meeting we will hold a discussion of the new health plan, whether to revise the procedures manual, and then a draft will be developed of the early retirement policy.

At the February meeting, we will discuss the new health plan, decide whether to revise the procedures manual, and draft an early retirement policy.

In the second example, the parallel verb tenses saved space and helped us grasp the ideas immediately. To help your writing flow smoothly and make sense, use the same format for items you present in a series. To learn more about parallel construction, click here.

Pop Quiz
Rewrite these sentences using parallel construction.

1. Rita’s responsibilities include sorting the mail, answering the phone, and to run errands.

2. We have asked managers to reduce travel budgets by 20 percent and that expense reports should be submitted weekly.

Here are the answers with the parallel words underlined:

1. Rita’s responsibilities include sorting the mail, answering the phone, and running errands.

2. We have asked managers to reduce travel budgets by 20 percent and to submit expense reports weekly.

The same approach applies to lists, which are much easier to read when the grammar is parallel.

Incorrect Example
The agenda for the March meeting includes the following goals:

  • Discussion of the new health plan
  • Whether to revise the procedures manual
  • The early-retirement policy will change

Correct Example
The agenda for the March meeting includes the following goals:

  • Discussing the new health plan
  • Deciding whether to revise the procedures manual
  • Revising the early-retirement policy

Parallel construction can help you organize your thoughts, make your writing flow smoothly, and make your meaning clear immediately. (How is this sentence as an example of parallel construction?)

This tip was contributed by WriteItWell.com, your editing partner.

Posted on Tuesday, July 6th, 2010 at 3:01 pm

Tips for Twitter

Twitter’s limit of 140 characters creates some risks. Here are some guidelines for maintaining a professional tone for your tweets:

1. Ask if a tweet is the right format for your message. Step back if you find yourself struggling too hard to fit your message into the site’s character limit. Instead, try turning your message into a blog post or a page on your Web site. Then post a tweet with a link and a brief statement of your topic, e.g., “Check out http://blahblah.com for my thoughts on last week’s conference.”

2. Use contractions and active language to keep your tweets short. Twitter is casual so go ahead and use contractions like “they’re” and “it’s,” even if you’re writing about business. Save space in tweets by using active rather than passive language. For example, write, “The committee will announce the winners” rather than “An announcement of the winners will be made by the committee.” (To learn more about active and passive language, click here.)

3. Be casual but maintain standard English. It’s fine to type “&” instead of “and,” and someone breezing through Twitter may prefer “info” to “information.” But don’t use spellings like “nite” instead of “night,” which saves only one character. Also, some readers will be confused if you tweet “I can’t w8!” instead of “I can’t wait!” Balance careful writing with informality.

This guest tip was written by WriteItWell.com, your editing partner.

Posted on Tuesday, June 29th, 2010 at 10:39 am

Writing Elegantly

Most of us know clumsy sentences when we hear or read them, but we don’t always know exactly why they are clumsy or possess the skills to fix them. An E-Newsletter reader heard the awkwardness of the following sentence but was puzzled by how to reword it.

The network that this computer is able to connect to contains information that is privileged and confidential.

She may have felt uncomfortable about “able to connect to” because it sounds like a dangling modifier. However, this is just a symptom of bigger problems. The clumsiness is caused by several common writing errors:

*Unnecessary dependent clauses
Get rid of that is/which is, that are/which are clauses whenever possible.

*Extraneous verb phrases
Delete verb phrases that don’t add meaning: is able to.

*Subjects too far away from their verbs
Place subjects closer to their verbs: computer connects, network contains.

*Redundancy
Weed out repetitious words: Confidential and privileged mean the same thing in this context.

Finally, tweak the wording so that the sentence flows:
This computer connects to a network containing confidential information.

For more tips on effective writing, including using specific rather than vague language, active vs. passive voice, and parallel form, click here.

Posted on Monday, March 1st, 2010 at 9:12 am

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